The narcissist lacks empathy. Consequently, he is not actually within the lives, emotions, wants, preferences, and hopes of individuals around him. Even his nearest and dearest are, to him, mere instruments of gratification. They require his undivided attention solely once they "malfunction" - after they turn into disobedient, unbiased, or vital. He loses all interest in them if they can't be "mounted" (for example, when they are terminally in poor health or develop a modicum of non-public autonomy and independence).
As soon as he offers up on his erstwhile sources of supply, the narcissist proceeds to promptly and peremptorily devalue and discard them. That is usually accomplished by merely ignoring them - a facade of indifference that is known as the "silent remedy" and is, at heart, hostile and aggressive. Indifference is, due to this fact, a type of devaluation. People find the narcissist "cold", "inhuman", "heartless", "clueless", "robotic or machine-like".
Early on in life, the narcissist learns to disguise his socially-unacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, cool-headedness, composure, or superiority. "It is not that I do not care about others" - he shrugs off his critics - "I am merely extra degree-headed, more resilient, extra composed under strain ... They mistake my equanimity for apathy."
The narcissist tries to convince individuals that he's compassionate. His profound lack of curiosity in his spouse's life, vocation, pursuits, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all the freedom she will be able to want for!" - he protests - "I don't spy on her, observe her, or nag her with limitless questions. I don't hassle her. I let her lead her life the way she sees fit and do not intrude in her affairs!". He makes a virtue out of his emotional truancy.
All very commendable however when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies the voidance of true love and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, typically, bodily) absence from all his relationships is a form of aggression and a protection towards his personal thoroughly repressed feelings.
In rare moments of self-awareness, the narcissist realizes that with out his enter - even within the type of feigned feelings - people will abandon him. He then swings from cruel aloofness to maudlin and grandiose gestures supposed to reveal the "bigger than life" nature of his sentiments. This weird pendulum solely proves the narcissist's inadequacy at sustaining adult relationships. It convinces nobody and repels many.
The narcissist's guarded detachment is a sad reaction to his unlucky childhood. Pathological narcissism is regarded as the results of a prolonged period of severe abuse by main caregivers, peers, or authority figures. On this sense, pathological narcissism is, therefore, a reaction to trauma. Narcissism is a type of Publish Traumatic Stress Disorder that acquired ossified and fixated and mutated right into a character dysfunction.
All narcissists are traumatized and all of them endure from quite a lot of put up-traumatic signs: abandonment anxiousness,
reckless behaviors, nervousness and mood disorders, somatoform disorders, and so forth. But the presenting signs of narcissism hardly ever indicate publish-trauma. This is because pathological narcissism is an environment friendly coping (defense) mechanism. The narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skilfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, in brief: indifference.
This front is penetrated only in instances of nice crises that threaten the narcissist's capacity to obtain narcissistic supply. The narcissist then "falls aside" in a means of disintegration known as decompensation. The dynamic forces which render him paralyzed and fake - his vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and fears - are starkly exposed as his defenses crumble and become dysfunctional. The narcissist's extreme dependence on his social milieu for the regulation of his sense of self-price are painfully and pitifully evident as he's crimson